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  　He lifted his hand to banish her from the hall, but she raised her hands, pleading for him to stay his power.

  　"I do not wish you to carry a message. Kahlan knows I love her. I wish to talk to you." "Why?"

  　"Because of what I did to Kahlan." "Did to her? What did you do to her?"

  　"I instilled in her a sense of duty. 'Confessors don't have love, Kahlan. They have duty. ' That was what I told her. To my shame, I never explained what I meant by that. I fear I left her no room for life.

  　"More than any Confessor I knew, Kahlan wanted to live life. to relish it. Duty denied her much of that. That is what makes her such a good protector of her people. She wants them to have a chance at their joy, because she sees so clearly what she was denied. She is left to take 【创建和谐家园】all pleasures as she can." "Is there a point to this?" "Don't you enjoy life, Richard?"

  　Richard walked on. "I understand about duty. I have been born to duty. I am now done with it. I am done with everything." "You, too, misunderstand what I meant about duty. To the right person, the

  　person who is truly born to it, duty is a form of love, through which all is possible. Duty is not always a denial of things, but an expansion of them to others. Duty is not always a chore, but is best carried out with love. "Will you not return to her, Richard? She needs you." "Kahlan has a hu【创建和谐家园】and, now. I have no place in her life." "You have a place in her heart." "Kahlan said she would never forgive me."

  　"Richard, have you never said something you didn't mean, in desperation? Have you never wished you could take back the words?"

  　"I can't return to her. She is married to another. She has given an oath, and she has . . . I won't go back."

  　"Even if she is married to another, even if you cannot be with her, even if it breaks your heart to know you can't have her, don't you love her enough to mend her heart? To put her heart at peace? Is it all you, and none of it her, in this love you have?"

  　Richard glared at the spirit. "She has found happiness in my absence. She doesn't need anything from me." "Do you find enjoyment in the rose, Richard?" Richard walked on. "Yes, it's very nice, thank you." "Will you consider going back, then?"

  　Richard wheeled to the spirit of Kahlan's mother. "Thank you for the rose. Here are a thousand in repayment, so you may not say I owe you anything in return!"

  　Richard cast out his hand and the air filled with roses. Rose petals flew and swirled in a red blizzard.

  　"I'm sorry I could not make you understand, Richard. I can see that I only bring you pain. I will leave you."

  　When she vanished, the floor was bespattered with red petals, looking like nothing so much as a pool of blood.

  　Richard sank to the floor, feeling too sick to stand. Soon, he would be one of them, a spirit, and he would not have to endure this limbo where he twisted between worlds. He had food, when he wanted it, he had sleep, when he wanted it, but he couldn't maintain life here indefinitely. This was not the world of life.

  　Soon enough, he would be one of them, and finished with this emptiness that was his life.

  　Kahlan had once filled that emptiness. She had once been everything to him. He had trusted her. He had thought his heart had been safe in her care. He had imagined more than was true. How could he have been such a fool? Was it all such illusion?

  　Richard's head came up. He peered across the hall. He went through a mental, inventory of the items stored here. The gazing font. It was there, across the hall. He knew how to use it.

  　He rose and crossed the hall, going between two of the columns, to find the stone gazing font. It had two basins, in two tiers, the lower one waist-high, and the upper just above his head. Each basin was a long rectangle. Carved into the glittering charcoal-gray stone were ornate symbols of instruction and power. The lower basin was brimful of a silver liquid, appearing similar to the sliph, but very different, he knew.

  　Richard lifted the silver ewer from the shelf below and dipped it in the lower ' basin. He emptied the ewer into the upper basin. He continued, until the upper basin was loaded with its charge of the gazing liquid.

  　Richard leaned across the lower basin to place his hands on the proper symbols, spread wide to each side. He read the ancient words before him as he leaned in, hands pressed to the gazing keyways. When the words were said. he focused his mind on the person he wished to gaze upon. As he did this, he let slip a 【创建和谐家园】all cord

  　of power to release the liquid in the upper font.

  　Across the entire knife-edge front of the upper basin, the silver liquid spilled out in a thin. silvery sheet before his face. In that waterfall of gazing liquid, Richard saw the person he called in his mind: Kahlan.

  　His chest tightened at seeing her. He almost gasped, almost called out her name in anguish.

  　She was in her white Confessor's dress. The familiar contours of her face made him ache with longing. She was near her rooms, her bedroom, in the Confessors" Palace. It was night, there. Richard could feel his heart hammering against his ribs as he watched her glide to a halt at the door.

  　Drefan slipped up behind her. He put his hands on her shoulders, giving them a squeeze as he leaned close, putting his mouth by her ear.

  　"Kahlan, my wife, my love. Are you ready to go into bed? I've had a hard day. I so look forward to a night of your lustful passion."

  　Richard released the font. He lifted his fists as he staggered back. The gazing font exploded apart, heavy pieces of rock driven ahead of huge gouts of flame and 【创建和谐家园】oke. Shards of stone whistled through the hall, disappearing into the distance. Massive chunks of stone wailed as they rose up into the air, lifted on a raging inferno, until they lost their upward momentum and dropped back down, to shatter into fragments and dust. The gazing liquid flooded the floor. In each droplet and pool, Richard could see Kahlan's face. He turned his back and stalked away. A furnace of flame blasted the floor, evaporating each droplet, yet he could still perceive her face in the tiniest mist of it filling the air. He cast up his fists. Every droplet, every infinitesimal bit of mist, winked into nothingness behind him.

  　In the center of the hall, in a daze, Richard slumped to the floor, staring out at nothing.

  　A malicious chuckle drifted through the winds. Richard knew who it was. His father was back to torment him again.

  　"What's the matter, my son?" Darken Rahl said in his derisive hiss. "Aren't you happy with my choice of a hu【创建和谐家园】and for your true love? My own son, my own flesh and blood, Drefan, wed to the Mother Confessor. I think it a good choice myself. He's a good boy. She seemed pleased. But then, you already know that, don't you? You should be pleased that she is pleased. So very pleased." Darken Rahl's laughter cavorted through the hall.

  　Richard didn't bother to banish the luminous form standing over him. What did it matter?

  　"So, what do you say, my wife? Shall we have a night of wild passion? Like you showed my brother when you thought it me?"

  　Kahlan used all her strength to ram her elbow into Drefan's sternum. She had caught him off guard. He hadn't expected that. He doubled over in pain, unable to get his breath. "I told you, Drefan, if you touch me, I'll cut your throat."

  　Before he could recover to laugh at her anger, or to taunt her with his threats of force, she slipped into her room, slammed the door, and threw the bolt.

  　She stood trembling in the near darkness. She had felt something. For a moment, it had felt as if Richard was there with her. She had almost called out his name- screamed she loved him.

  　She clutched her abdomen in agony. When would she ever stop thinking about him?

  　Richard was never coming back.

  　Kahlan crossed the thick carpets in her sitting room and went back into the bedroom. She dropped into a defensive crouch when someone stepped out in front of her.

  　"Sorry," Berdine whispered. "I didn't mean to frighten you." Kahlan sighed as she unclenched her fists and rose to her feet. "Berdine." She threw her arms around the woman. "Oh, Berdine, I'm glad to see you. How are you doing?"

  　Berdine hugged Kahlan with a desperate need for comfort. "It's been a few weeks, but it seems as if Raina died only yesterday. I'm so angry with her for leaving me. And then when I get angry at her, I cry because I miss her so. If she would only have held on for a few more days, she would be alive now. Just a couple of days."

  　"I know, I know," Kahlan whispered. She parted from Berdine, keeping her voice low. "What are you doing here? I thought you went up to the Keep to relieve Cara."

  　"I did, but I had to come down to talk to you."

  　"You mean the sliph is unguarded?" Berdine nodded. "Berdine, we can't leave her alone. We would never know if someone slipped into Aydindril-someone with dangerous magic. That was what-"

  　Berdine shushed her. "I know. This is important, too. Besides, what difference does it really make? Cara and I have lost our power. We couldn't stop someone with magic, now, if they did come through the sliph.

  　"I have to talk to you, Mother Confessor, and I can never do it in the day because Drefan is always showing up."

  　"Don't let him catch you calling him anything other than Lord Rahl, or he-" "He isn't Lord Rahl. He isn't. Mother Confessor." "I know. But he's all the Lord Rahl we have."

  　Berdine looked Kahlan in the eye. "Cara and I have been talking. We decided we should kill him. We need you to help us."

  　"We can't do that." Kahlan gripped Berdine's shoulder. "We can't." , "Sure we can. We'll hide out on the balcony, you get him out of his clothes so that he's away from those knives of his, and while you . . . distract his attention, we'll burst in and end it." "Berdine, we can't."

  　"Well, all right, if you're skittish about that plan, we can easily think of another. The point is, we have to kill him." "No, the point is, we can't kill him."

  　Berdine scowled. "Do you want to be married to that pig? Sooner or later, he's going to insist on his rights as your hu【创建和谐家园】and."

  　"Berdine, listen to me. Even if he does that, I will have to endure it. I can endure rape if it means saving lives. We can't kill Drefan. He's the only Lord Rahl we

  　have. Until we can figure out what to do, he is the only thing holding the army together. "Right now. they're confused by his aggressive command. D'Harans are used to being told what to do by Lord Rahl. Drefan is acting as if he is the Lord Rahl and, for the moment, the army is scratching their heads, wondering if they're sure he isn't."

  　"But he isn't," Berdine insisted.

  　"But at the moment, that's all that is holding the whole thing together. If it falls apart, then the Imperial Order will be able to roll right over the Midlands. Drefan is right about that much of it."

  　''But you are the Mother Confessor. General Kerson is loyal to you. Even without the bond. he sticks around because of you. Most of the officers do the same. Because of you, not Drefan. You could hold things together as well as Drefan. Maybe it would work."

  　"And maybe not. I may not like Drefan, but he has done nothing to earn assassination. As much as I don't like his ways, he's doing his best to keep us all together. With him, and me, we may be able to keep everyone together in this." Berdine tilled her head closer. "It won't last, and you know it." Kahlan wiped a hand across her face. "Berdine, Drefan is my hu【创建和谐家园】and. I have sworn an oath to him."

  　"An oath, is it? Then why haven't you let him in your bed?" Kahlan opened her mouth, but couldn't find the words.

  　"It's because of Lord Rahl, isn't it? You still think he's coming back, don't you? You want him to come back."

  　Kahlan put her fingertips to her lips. She turned away. "If Richard was going to come back. he'd have done so by now."

  　"Maybe it's the plague, maybe he isn't finished ridding the magic of the plague. Maybe when he's finished, he will return." Kahlan hugged her arms to herself. She knew that wasn't it. "Mother Confessor, you do want him to return, don't you?" "I'm married to Drefan. I have a hu【创建和谐家园】and."

  　"That isn't what I asked you. You do want him to return. You must want him to come back."

  　Kahlan shook her head. "He said he would always love me. He said his heart would always be mine. He promised." Kahlan swallowed the anguish. "He walked away. I may have-hurt him, but if he really loved me, he wouldn't do this to me. He'd have given me a chance . . ." "But you still want him back."

  　"No. I don't want ever to go through this kind of pain again. I don't want ever to leave myself open to this much hurt. I was wrong ever to let myself fall in love with him in the first place." Kahlan shook her head again. "I don't want him to come back."

  　"I don't believe you. You're just upset, as I get because Raina died. But if she came back. I'd forgive her for dying and take her back in a heartbeat."

  　"Not Richard. I'll not trust my heart to him again. Regardless of what I did, that doesn't make it right for him to hurt me as he did. He just walked away from me, and after he'd made promises of always loving me no matter what. He failed me in that test.

  　"I never thought he would hurt me like that. I thought my heart was safe with him, no matter what, but it wasn't." Berdine turned her around and gripped her shoulders.

  　"Mother Confessor, you don't mean that. You don't. Trust works both ways. If you really loved him, then you must trust in him, no matter what, just as you expected him to always trust in you."

  　Tears trickled down Kahlan's cheeks. "I can't, Berdine. It hurts too much. I'll not put myself through it again.

  　"It doesn't matter anyway. It's been weeks. The plague is long over. Richard is never coming back."

  　"Look, I don't know exactly what happened up on the mountain, but you just ask yourself this: If the situation were reversed, if you were in his place, how would you feel?"

  　"Don't you think I do that every moment of every day? I know how I'd feel. I'd feel betrayed. I'd never forgive me, if I were him. I'd hate me, just as I know he does."

  　"No," Berdine soothed, "that isn't true. He doesn't hate you. Lord Rahl may be confused, or hurt, but he could never hate you."

  　"He does. He hates me for what I did. That's the other reason I can never take him back-1 hurt him too much. How could I ever look him in the eye again? I couldn't. I could never ask him to trust me again."

  　Berdine circled an arm around Kahlan's neck and drew her to a shoulder. "Don't close your heart, Kahlan. Please don't do that. You are a sister of the Agiel. As your sister, I beg you not to do that."

  　"It makes no difference," Kahlan whispered. "I can't be with him anyway, no matter what I might think or wish or hope. I must forget him. The spirits have forced me into marrying Drefan. I have given my oath to Drefan and to the spirits in trade to save lives. I must respect the oath I've given. Richard, too, must respect my oath."

  　CHAPTER 62

  　Wake him! the voice in her head commanded.

  　Verna cried out. It felt as though she was covered with wasps, and they were all stinging her at once. She frantically swiped at her arms, her shoulders, her legs, her face. She screamed in panic, swatting, swatting. Wake him! came the voice in her head again. His Excellency's voice.

  　Verna snatched the cloth from the bucket. She turned Warren's head. He was sprawled forward on the table, unconscious. She dabbed the wet cloth on his cheeks, his forehead. With trembling fingers, she 【创建和谐家园】oothed back his hair. He hadn't been out long, so she had a better chance to bring him around. "Warren. Warren, please wake up. Warren!"

  　He moaned in delirium. She pressed the wet cloth to his lips. She rubbed his back with her other hand as she kissed his cheek. It broke her heart to see him so afflicted with the pain, not only of the dream walker but of the gift out of control. She pressed her fingers to the back of his neck and let a warm flow of Han seep into him, hoping it would give him strength, hoping it would bring him around.

  　"Warren," she cried, "please wake up. Please, for me, wake up, or His Excellency will be angry. Please, Warren."

  　Tears streamed down her face. She didn't care. She needed only to wake Warren, or His Excellency would make them both suffer. She had never known that resistance could be so futile. She had never known that she could so easily be made to betray everything in which she believed.

  　She couldn't even protect those she loved by killing herself. She had tried. Oh, how she had tried. He wouldn't allow it; he wanted them alive so that they could serve him. He wished to use their talents.

  　She now knew that it had to be true: Richard had to be dead. The bond to him was broken, and they were defenseless against the dream walker. He intruded into her mind at will. With frightening ease, Jagang bent her to his wishes. It was as if she were no longer in control of the simplest of actions. If Jagang willed it, her arm lifted, and she could do nothing but watch. He controlled her use of her Han, too. Without the bond, she was powerless.

  　Warren let out another groggy groan. He moved of his own accord, at last. Only Verna seemed able to wake him when he passed out from the gift. That was the only reason Jagang hadn't sent her to the tents.

  　Only his heart's connection to her was enough to stir Warren. She knew that it was harmful to wake him when the gift wanted him unconscious-it did that as a way to stretch his endurance until he could get proper help-but she had no choice. She was using their love to wake him, and in so doing, was bringing him closer to death; but Jagang didn't care, as long as Warren did as ordered.

  　"Sorry," Warren mumbled. "I . . . I couldn't . . ."

  　"I know," Verna comforted, "I know. Wake up, now. Warren. His Excellency wants us to keep working. We have to keep working." "I . . . can't. I can't, Verna. My head-"

  　"Please, Warren." Verna couldn't control the tears. The pain of a thousand wasps stinging her everywhere at once made it impossible to hold still. She flinched constantly. "Warren, you know what he'll do to us. Please, Warren, you must go back to the books. I'll carry them down. Just tell me which ones you need. I'll get them for you."

  　He nodded as he pushed himself up. He was becoming more alert. Verna slid the lamp near him and turned up the wick. She pushed close the volume he had been reading when he had passed out, and tapped the page.

  　"Here, Warren. Here. This is where you were. His Excellency wants to know what this means."

  　Warren pressed his fists to the sides of his head. "I don't know! Please, Excellency, I don't know. I can't make the visions of prophecy come at will. I'm not a prophet yet. I am only beginning." Warren cried out, squirming in his chair. "I'll try! I'll try! Please, let me try!"